Me: “Lincoln- it’s time to turn off the TV and get ready for church.” (I’m already bracing myself for the talking back- which has become a norm lately with my 8 year old son.)
Lincoln: “In a minute Mom. Why NOW? We have time.”(Thinking to myself- “stay calm Liz, ask him one more time, nicely…”)
Me: “Lincoln- I am asking you to do it now, no arguing please.”
Lincoln: “But Mom- I just started watching this show! You NEVER let me do ANYTHING that I want to do.” (Thinking to myself- “This kid is SO dramatic. He has no respect. I am so sick of this. Why won’t he just listen and do what he is asked to do?!.”)
Me: Screaming now- “Lincoln, you will turn off the TV, get dressed NOW and I am SO sick of your attitude. Now STOP IT!”
Lincoln: stomps off, PUSHES through me and says- “I’m so sick of you!”
Me: Anger turning to shock- Thinking to myself-
“My son just PUSHED me. How is this happening? Why is this happening? What did I do wrong? I am a HORRIBLE mother! It has to be my fault that he is doing this.”
We go to church. My son sulks in his seat in front of everyone. Also tells me he feels sick (which is actually true- we had a stomach bug running rampant in my home). So,I take him home (we live like 2 minutes from church). And I sit in the service and don’t even feel worthy to be one of the leaders (I am the Women’s Ministry leader).
If only everyone here had been a fly on my wall and seen what just happened in my home?
I numbly go through the motions of worship, smile politely towards people and get myself home.
I stand in the kitchen and ask myself how to handle what had happened that morning?
I prayed and then I started baking cookies.
Our Pastor had encouraged us to give out bags inviting people to church-
I took three home with me and thought that maybe we could hand them out with some cookies.
My son is still sulking but soon he gets involved in playing.
I hear his soft voice, sharing nicely with his brother, I see him smiling, and he tells me he can’t wait til I’m done so he can decorate the cookies.
We take some to neighbors and it is wonderful.
We sit and talk with them and we enjoy a nice afternoon together.
Later that night, I am cleaning out a closet and I find something.
It is a poem that someone gave to me when I was pregnant with Lincoln. I read it and think.
The poem is the word Lincoln written vertically and has a statement next to each letter about how I am to act in order to help my son become the man of God he is called to be.
I showed it to Lincoln.
I told him that I loved him and would always be praying for him and that I had found this poem and will keep it out to remind me.
I took a picture of him with the poem and his sweet face just melted my heart.
We talked about what happened, he did get punished and he was not happy about the punishment.
But he softened and it was just a good, God-moment I wanted to share with all of you.
I am so thankful that I serve a God that gives me grace and redeems some of the most difficult and most ugly moments.
Being a Mama is so hard sometimes but it is always worth it: